I wonder if killing yourself is the only thing you can control in your entire life, and that’s why it’s a sin. Because you’re beating God at his own game.
my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
How did these two even win the hunger games?
|mom:||you haven't moved since I left the house 6 hours ago wtf|
|me:||excuse me where do you think these chips came from|
|Period:||WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.|
|Period:||How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?|
|Period:||How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.|
|Period:||Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.|
|Period:||Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?|
|Period:||Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.|
|Period:||For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.|
|Period:||Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.|
|Period:||You didn't like those brand new underwear right?|
|Period:||Yell at a puppy.|